Don't Shiver
by Chikicha
Summary: A nature-changing pokemon spirit develops feelings for a female pokemon trainer. Short one-shot.


Don't Shiver

As rustling leaves of great towering trees add music to the movement of wind, and as blooming flowers grow from their roots into something beautiful, pokemon trainers travel on. Though at first glance it seems still, nature is constantly changing its ways. Whether pokemon trainers take great notice of the details of their surroundings or not, they're affected by it. The weather. The ground surface. Organic obstacles. A rock speckled with moss over here, the tinkling of clear shining water from a river over there.

I suppose that's where I come in. Well, us. I wouldn't dare take credit for the magnificent show of colors and sounds and senses as a whole. It's being a part of something much larger than myself that matters the most. I'd never be able to do this job alone. But just being able to express beauty at its most purist, even if it's only close to me, can lift my heart just a little higher inside some sort of empty space.

...If I have a heart, that is. When you're merely a nature spirit, dancing across the lands at will with no restrictions, watching all persons and pokemon from afar, do you truly have a heart? I take the form of different pokemon, whom have hearts, so surely I must have one too, right? This is when I ask myself why these questions become rhetorical when I actually do long for an answer.

It was only when I began to get urges to take irrational actions that I became convinced I did have a heart. Funny how something so precious can be so ridiculous.

I had taken the form of a spirit Pidgeotto at the time. Flapping my wings with large, swift movements, I was guiding the occasional gust of wind weaving through a large open field of dandelions. The dandelions had been reduced to seeds of white fluff by that late summer, and so occasionally the sky was dotted with white floating seeds whenever I sent a gentle breeze. And so it was the small movements of something brown, noticeable against the background of pastel colors, that caught my attention that day. Brown hair, slightly wavy. The back of the head of a female pokemon trainer. She was sitting alone on that sunshine-filled hill.

Curious, I had edged nearer, at least to get a look at her face. Her eyes were a deep dark blue, and she was softly smiling down at something held between her fingertips. A dandelion she had plucked form the ground she sat on. Just as I flapped my wings, she had blown on it, sending seeds of white fluff sailing across the sky on my wind. I mentally praised myself for the accidental good timing. I continued to observe her as her eyes seemed to sparkle with delight at the beautiful sight before her.

I suppose it was that look in her eyes that kept me occupied for the following months. That look that said she had some sort of subconscious awareness that something large and elegant was happening in the world around her. I kept wondering what she would do if she knew she was always surrounded by nature-changing pokemon spirits. She'd probably let out that tinkling laugh of hers that always reminded of wind chimes.

I shouldn't even be able to clearly remember what her laugh always sounds like, but I do. As wandering spirits with complete freedom, usually we don't stay in one place for long. But I wanted to watch over this girl. Even though she didn't know I existed, I wanted to be someone who always watched over her, because she always seemed so alone. She had her pokemon, but never any human company. I'm surely not human either, but I'd like to think I'm more protective of her than even her own pokemon.

This strong urge to protect her began shortly after the urge to continue observing her. Another spirit, who had taken form of a Fearow, had suddenly streaked across the sky, sending a very strong wind in the girl's path. This gust was unusually chilly for the time of year. When it reached out to her with violent hands, the girl shivered violently for a short moment. This is when I felt something inside me twist unpleasantly. I couldn't stand her discomfort. I didn't want to see her shrinking back and hugging herself in an attempt to stay warm. I just wanted to make her happy.

I began to follow her almost everywhere from afar. As a nature spirit, you must take actions that relate to the actions of the other nature spirits around you. You must help paint a reasonable picture. Nobody sends soft snowflakes swirling through the air in Summer, or smoldering heat waves in Winter. I had to abide by the rules, but that doesn't mean I didn't make an effort to bend them where I could. I'd create gentler wind when her hair wasn't tied back in a ponytail, so it wouldn't tangle up in front of her face. I'd push drifting clouds away from the sun on partly cloudy days during her pokemon battles, because by then I noticed sunny days seemed to boost her confidence for unknown reasons. I'd heave against heavy rain sent by other spirits so it was merely a light sprinkle until she was able to take shelter, and only then would I relax and let it pour down in thick sheets of splattering raindrops. Whenever she went to sleep inside a Pokemon Center during her journeys, I'd lie on my back on the ground beside her bed as all night just so I could direct the chorus of the soft chirping of crickets and numerous bug pokemon, which seemed to lull her into a peaceful sleep.

Everything was worth it. Through all of my efforts and constant awareness, I never tired of my actions. It was her contagious happiness. Knowing her bright grin came from the simplest nature-changing actions kept me watching over her from a distance. Some days I'd find myself sitting on a high tree branch, observing her with a content sigh and a blissful smile.

I had fallen in love with her.

As I marveled at the new love blossoming inside me – a mere spirit – I began longing for direct interaction with her. I wanted those deep eyes to look directly into mine. I wanted her to smile at _me_, not just at my actions. I wanted to touch her. Oh how I longed to touch her face.

I had begun to long for ridiculous things.

I wondered what it would be like if I revealed myself to her. It wouldn't work if I merely appeared in the form of a pokemon. But did I really have to appear as a pokemon? All nature spirits had always changed from one pokemon form to another simply because pokemon have the powers of the elements. Perhaps none of us were really pokemon at all. Maybe I could be a human spirit if I really wanted to. A human boy. I imagined what I might look like as a human boy. Maybe I'd have sandy blond hair and slight freckles. Maybe she would like that. That's all that mattered to me – I had no specific tastes in an appearance, only a desire for an appearance that would please her.

I had begun to begun to drown myself in ridiculous fantasies.

As the months passed, soft warm weather turned into harsh chilly winds. Forests exploded in warm colors of turning leaves, until they left the trees completely, leaving them bare. I continued to follow the girl during her travels, longing for us to meet, giving in to my newfound heart.

It happened on one particularly freezing day. She hadn't eaten or drank in a while. I wanted to create the sound of a rushing river nearby to remind her of fluids, but all rivers and lakes in the surrounding area were already frozen solid into smooth ice. Her dehydration and lack of energy were affecting her usual abilities and awareness. Watching intently, I grew worried as she wandered off the trail in a forest and stumbled her way through uncharted territory. At some point she stopped, glanced around, and seemed to realize she had lost her way.

It was her increasing desperation that sent me the original irrational urge. I had to help her through direct interaction. I had to appear as a human boy in front of her and direct her to safety. I had to save her. I had to let her know I loved her.

I stood behind a tree and leaned back against it as a Charmander, wondering just how exactly I was supposed to go about doing this. I changed from one pokemon to another simply with the slightest change of mood. Or was it desire? Or duty? I wasn't sure. But I knew the desire and need for myself to become human was definitely there. All I wanted to do was shine some light on her heart once more. She never knew it, but she needed me just as much as I needed her to assure me I had a heart. I was absorbed in these thoughts when I shut my eyes for a moment.

When I opened my eyes again, I was taller than I had been in most pokemon forms. I raised a hand in front of my face. I was a human boy. I weaved my fingers through my short hair. I grabbed my left arm with my right hand, taking deep breaths, attempting to build up enough courage to reveal myself.

I glanced around the tree at the girl again right as a powerful gust of wind sent all the trees in the surrounding area shaking. With a sudden surprised gasp, she held herself tightly, tilted her head down, and shuddered from the chill. But the wind did not cease. She looked so distressed and alone. I watched as her legs began to wobble.

That's when a sudden powerful surge of determination erupted and flowed throughout my entire being. I didn't want to watch her collapse or get hurt. The longing to protect her and turn her world into a perfect heaven was so strong that I could see rainbows of colors in my mind, waiting to be let out into reality. I was going to make her the happiest girl in the world. I was going to reveal myself without showing any falter in confidence, any sign of nervousness, and smile at her. I was going to let her know that she always had someone watching over her.

And so, my reckless decisions set in stone, I took a deep breath and stepped out into the clearing of trees where she stood shivering. And then, with one final push of energy, I released everything blossoming inside me.

I admit I hadn't really meant for any of it to happen so instantly and dramatically. But suddenly any rules and laws that existed in the world were no longer set in stone. Is that the power a heart contains? I don't know. All I know is that shock waves of lush green grass, blooming flowers, and elegant rose bushes began to race across the land, causing the girl to jump up and widen her eyes with shock, frantically whirling around at the rapidly changing sight before her. The trees that had once been thin and bare a moment ago now grew thick green leaves and plump ripe fruits. Blinding sunlight flooded the area as warmness replaced the previous Winter chill. Eyes darting this way and that, the girl didn't seem to know where to keep looking, as each wave of power and nature grew increasingly more bright and beautiful.

Finally, I relaxed and let out a relieved sigh. The rapid transformation of the landscape ceased. The area surrounding the girl and I was now the perfect picture of elegance and purity. I watched as the girl's expression grew from shock to absolute delight. Although she was still confused, her eyes began to water with the gratitude of the unknown miracle presented before her. Oh, this is why it was worth it. Just to see her fill up her whole spirit with something untouchable, unreachable.

That's when she turned directly in my direction. I could feel the excitement mount up inside me.

She ran towards me.

No.

She ran _through_ me.

A split second before this occurred was when I realized she still was not looking directly into my eyes, but through them. She could not see me. She could only see the gift I had bestowed upon the land. And as she ran directly through me, unseeing, sending a soft prickling warmness through me, I knew she couldn't feel me either. Couldn't even sense my presence. After all, no matter what form I took, whether I was any type of pokemon or a human, I was still a mere spirit, hidden to the living's eye. My heart had sunk, and my blissful smile grew into a bittersweet one.

This is where I am now. The girl who is most precious to me doesn't know I exist, while I watch over the very existence of her own each day. She doesn't see or hear me, but she sees and hears my actions and willing services for her through the simplicity, yet complexity, of nature. She can't talk to me, but I know how she's feeling just from ages of observance. She doesn't know I love her, but she shines brightly everyday anyways. She doesn't know there is someone out there who has been molding her life into something shining.

But…

I can't stand it when she shivers… and her warm happiness is worth everything.


End file.
